Then there was the getting to know them phase; going to the movies, out to dinner or maybe a few walks in the park. We did all this and still weren't a OFFICIAL couple until you met the family, at the BBQ or maybe on the front porch. Man how those were the days!
That was dating back in the day...
Let's fast forward to Dating 2013 style; my my my, how the dating scene has changed.
1. You now have the www.WorldWideWeb.com where you don't have to do anything. You no longer have to go out and meet a possible mate to Date. You can create the person you want to meet by setting certain criteria: Age, location, race, and socio-economic status. The computer age has taken the human factor out of dating in 2013. There all kind of dating sites out there where all we have to do is submit a profile and we have 10-20 possible mates on one page (all depending on your settings.) I can remember a time when the only profile I had what I was wearing when I went out! Yes, the game has changed.
Let's explore this a little further...
2. By now, we all have a smartphone, iPhone or Droid, iPad or tablet of some type. Which means we all have the Internet in the palm of our hand. Just sit and watch, how many people are:texting, on Facebook and Twitter. This now the way we communicate with one another. I don't know about y'all, but if I lose my phone I won't be able to call you and tell you because I don't know anybody's number anymore. Back in the day I knew everyone's number, hell I barely remember mine when they ask for it on anything. I say all this to say, as good as technology has become and still growing, it has been the downfall to social skills. We no longer have to call to say hello like most the females like, all I have to do is hit the send button "Hey sup" or "busy". I can reach you faster by sending a text than I can if I call. So this is where the dating scene has gone. I can sit at my computer, look for what's happening in the city tonight, then send you a text or email saying meet me @_____. I dare you to say I'm telling a lie! The computer age has taken full effect on our dating scene and from the looks of it things won't be changing. I will Skype you and we can finish this later!!!
Let's not just blame the www.com:
Ladies, yes #Ladies I'm about to call y'all out. Women have changed the dating scene too! Hmmm, where to start on this one part here...
3. Ladies you changed the game when y'all decided y'all no longer needed men; Independent Woman is what I think you've termed it. Being independent and being to hold your own is one thing. Then when you determine you no longer need men to go out: to the movies, to the clubs, and even dinner; that struck a blow to the Pride. - That's a different Blog fellas!
4. Oh yes I'm not done with y'all #women just yet... Ladies I hear you talk about how a man no longer knows how to court you. Well of course he doesn't know how when you took the ball from our court. Stay with me; we could no longer pick you up and go "Out" as we call it. Men no longer control the date. Y'all took it over. It went from going out getting to know each other to where can we take you and who you gonna impress when we get there. Think about, when you go out on these so-called dates, how much time do you sit and talk to each other? Do you want another drink or that's my jam right here don't count! If you want to be courted give the ball back and let that man find out what your interests are. On his own, if he's interested he will play your game!
The ball will still end up in your court...
Let's see if the Rules of the Game will change again!
#Relationships2013 The Series
IamDuaneB
Because I haven’t really dated in a while, I am totally lost on how to pay this game. All if not most of our interactions are tech driven. I am very guilty of mostly texting, tweeting, FB, but this works very well for me because of my shy/reserved personality.(Working on this)
ReplyDeleteYou do make some valid points, but where is the male role in why the dating game has changed. I have issue with most/all of the blame being put on us ladies. We never decided we no longer needed men. Some of us had no choice but to become more independent, because of circumstances beyond their control. {Force us into independence now blame us for liking being able to control/do our own thing! (Not fair)} I was raised to be independent and I like that control. Do I want a mate who can take some of that away and lift the burden; of Corse...I desire this! I want and desire a man to take some of his control, but I was raised not to need him to do this. Is this thinking right? I don’t know!
I think we are both guilty of not knowing how to court one another. I’m finding it hard to find men my age who are interested in having a real relationship, most are still trying to be 20 something…bumping rap music, putting spinners on their cars and picking up the only females who are impressed by this behavior, 19 yr. olds! (My experience) I still don’t get the we took the ball from you thing! (Smh)
Most of us are not that superficial, we are not trying to impress anyone.(My opinion) You are always quick to tell women they are dating the wrong type of guy, well maybe your pursuing the wrong type of women.
I agree with you on not needing a man to be there but wanting a man to be there. I think that is a good view to have. I also dont need a man to need me (he should be able to handle his business on his own) I want a man to want me to be there that is a completely different scenario. In my opinion it demonstrates that you are looking for a partner not a father figure!
DeleteYou raise valid points. I will start off by saying, I'm posting my blogs from a Man's Point of View, so no you won't see what men are doing wrong initially.
ReplyDeleteTo address some of your points:
Your 1st point makes my initial point, with all the social networks, dating sites and the like, the human element of Dating has been taken away. We no longer sit and talk to each other. I don't know your body language, I can't see your facial expressions to what I say. All I receive is the "LOL"...
Like a male's PRIDE, a woman's sense of INDEPENDENCE has took a negative turn when it comes to relationships. Ok, not all or even most; there are women out here who don't need a man, who think they don't need a man, and in certain cases stay away from men all because they are I dependent and don't need us. I'm stating what I have encountered from different women...
The next few points you raise I have to say are the cause of women's actions.
Yes, we like the nice, flashy and shiny cars. Why, because that's what you forced us to buy. Back in the day we rode in a "squatter" with no problem because we were riding. Oh hell naw, let me try that now; what do we get, is that what we going in? We not going in your car are we? Brothas turned to getting rental cars just to go out on a date... Ok I'm gonna jump off the soapbox before I start a riot!
The reference of the Ball is now in your court means, women control the entire Dating Scene. #Think about it...
We can conclude that we are all guilty of social media dating!
DeleteThese independent women you are talking about, maybe they don't need a man and who are we to say they do! (Wrong type of women)
Everyone likes flashy cars, but she should be down for you no matter what kinda car you got. Most women are not that superficial. Now if you go rent that car just to go on a date are you not feeding into this and confirming its alright for her to be materialistic. I guess these are the type of women men like. As long as we are together it doesn't matter what we are rolling in. I've ride the bus on dates and crappie cars that broke down on the highway.
I guess we control everything, I don't feel very empowered! Dating in 2013 I'm lost
I agree with the points you made, women control this game yes and maybe we fail to keep it at a certain level because men fail to act like real men.
ReplyDeleteMen do not approach women with respect nowadays, it's sad because when you require to be treated a certain way, they call you all sort of names. Yes Technology plays a huge role in the dating scene but I still believe a phone call is necessary when dating. Texting gets old and boring (at least for me) I need to talk to my partner, interact, go walk, do things. thats just me.
A guy gets my number because he works at a place I needed service, calls me to say he would like to get to know me but his idea of meeting was to come to my apartment? I had to ask him if he was crazy... Men nowadays do not I say do not know how to court a woman and its sad that you Mr. Duane puts the blame on the female. Men and Women have their roles to play in this at all times.
Yes, I placed a certain portion of the blame on women because it is warranted. Do men have the right to say just anything to women? Answer: NO! I place blame because women have set the standard to what is/is not acceptable. For the the most part, women are accepting the things men say and more disturbingly the things men do! All I will say is IG. Insta-gram!
DeleteWe're like children to a degree. We will only do what you let us do.
Let's be honest and face a real truth; why should a man want to expend energy and money to get to know a woman just to have her say I'm not feeling you. When he can do less work "kicking game" to some other chick who's easily willing to give it up!
You and other women that I know did not set this or live by this standard, but the bar has been set in 2013 to have to do less work when it comes to Dating 2013!
Duane I can tell you this, a woman who is not feeling a man will not go out with him, will not accept his invitations to anywhere. Nobody got time to waste like that LOL so why would I let him think im cool when I know very well he is not my type?
DeleteThe bar has been set for the women who like to 'kick it' then because I dont live by the same bar :)
The amount of women who like to "kick it" far out number the women who don't. So when a man comes across a woman who requires this respect, he simply doesn't know how to respond or act!
DeleteJust that simple... Sad but true fact!
I agree with you 100% Duane the dating game has changed completely in the past decade...in fact there is no game these days as most times it's game, set, match in the 1st few weeks. As much as "game playing" is futile, real courting is all about negotiating, with a man making the effort to convince a woman to surrender to him whether physically/emotionally so it's a game in the sense of who's going to surrender first. I hate pointing fingers but in my experience, men have become lazy as heck during the "courtship" phase & with some women making life easy in that regard it's made dating more frustrating for the rest of us. In the past year alone I've had 2 guys take my number, only to text me 4 months later & carry on like we met yesterday....it's insulting. They obviously kept me on hold while dealing with other girls. For this reason I find a lot of men extremely arrogant, in this tech era, they don't make the slightest bit of effort yet they expect huge returns after making a paltry investment. I'm always optimistic that there are good guys out there, but this type of behavior is an epidemic worldwide. My new mantra is, if a man doesn't know how to behave or court me properly, it's his loss as I have enough on my plate. In the meantime, I focus on my destiny, do things that challenge me & I've found this has boosted my happiness; I can only hope that sooner or later 1 guy will recognize my worth & actually make an effort beyond a text as 1 guy is all I need.
ReplyDelete