Black Women: Are you Enabling or Hindering Your Relationahip?

   Last week I went in on Black Men asking them to get the respect back that they lost in society and in their homes. Well guess what ladies, it's your turn! I'm coming after you this time out; giving you my thoughts and feelings on all y'all always asking your man to be a man!  Yes, I can admit there are more than enough times we men need to stand up and act like men, take care of home, treat you women like the Queens that you are. No we don't always take out the trash, we sit in front of the TV watching sports throwing a few back. We've all done it, but is is not about what men do or don't do, it's about what you let us do.

     Ladies, I'm coming to you because I'm always hearing from y'all what pisses you off about your man, your dude or your guy. About what he wants from you or wants you to do for him.  Well maybe, just maybe he is this way because you allow him to be this way.  I will always believe in the saying, "A man will do what you allow him to do!" 

   Here are a few questions I would like you to ask yourself while you're reading through this blog.  Are you doing enough to motivate your man and keep him focused on your relationship?  Are you giving him that positive reinforcement that he may need to make it through his day. I don't care what you say, it is hard out here for us black men and sometimes we need that positive push instead if the negative beat down.  I'm always hearing from women across all ages and socio-economic statuses about what they won't do for their man yet expect the world from their man.  Now how does that work??? 

     You can't tell me that you don't want to cook for me but expect me to bring home the bacon. The old wives tale still holds form, 'A way to a mans heart is through his stomach." Old wives, not too many of them around anymore is it. Women want to live the married life but dont want to do the wifely duties of taking care of home. Yes you work all week and I know you get tired, damn so do I. Today’s woman no longer wants to work outside the house and inside of the house, its either one or the other. Well when I was growing up Mom did both and didn't complain about it.  Well at least I don't think she complained about it, but I was a child and I stayed in my place so I wouldn't know if she did.  What I do know is that my parents went to work everyday, mom came home cooked dinner, took care of the kids and laundry…while pop, came home from work sat at the end of the table and paid the bills.

All that being said, yes ladies working outside the house as well as inside the house can be done, question is, are you willing to do it??? 

      Ladies if you allowing your man to sit at home and not work, play XBox or PS3 all day and drink that might just be your fault. Yeah he should have more ambition than that but this is not that blog. All we men want from you is some resemblance of respect and we will give you the world. We don't want a mother, we already have one of those. We don't want a teacher or another boss, we have that on the job. Men just want that confidant to share mutual respect and love.    

Calling all Black Men: Stand-Up

,     President Obama told the graduating class at Morehouse College, there is "no time for excuses" for this generation of African-American men and that it was time for their generation to step up professionally and in their personal lives.

     Brothers the President could have been talking to all of us when making this speech. Simply put, it is time for all us Black Men to step up and take the reigns back and get control of our lives. some of us have failed as fathers, family men, providers, workers and just as men in general. Black men, many of us have lost the respect of our families, our co-workers and colleagues and society in general. The only way we can regain control over who we are is by standing up and taking responsibility in the things we do without making excuses why we are doing or for what we are not doing.

     Black men we can easily gain the respect of our families just by being in there. Sounds simple enough right! Well actually it is. Let's be there for our kids. I hate when I hear the term a lost generation when it is referred to our kids. They are not lost, the kids are left to fend for themselves without the proper guidance. A fathers guidance. A lot of times it's easy to blame the kids by saying they are just bad or a bad seed. Well damn where did they get this seed from? Damn sure wasn't the stork that we used to see on the cartoons. Dads, fathers, providers that what we become when we plant that seed. S be there for these kids and do just that: provide and guide. Your presence will speak volumes.  Men, men, men, what are some of y'all doing to these women. If we can't keep the Black Woman's love and respect we might as well no longer exist. A black woman will give us an unconditional love like no other and we are slowly losing that if it's not already lost.  I found myself in a very disturbing #twitter discussion/conversation today, 7/12/13, over what I thought was one female misguided thought: 'White men treat  Black women better than Black men do.' (One reason for today's IamDuaneB.blogspot.com #blog, so s/o to Zina for setting me on fire and the motivation piece for this spot.) I will say as much as I was bothered to hear this sentiment from her and all the other sisters who seemed to agree that black men have dropped  the ball, fumbled, on relationships. It bothered me more that only a select few brothers chimed in to come help me defend our honor. I was holding them off for a while but by the end of the discussion I could understand why they felt and feel the way they do. Damn y'all are we really that bad as black men when it comes time to holding down a relationship?

SMDH is all I can do. What does this mean for our community when we as Black men are running from our responsibilities to provide for our families as the family is the backbone to the African-American community. 

    

     The word respect is lost for the Black man outside of our community as well. In the workplace as well as in society the Black man has lost value. The country is now on edge over the Trayvon Martin case. Will he be found guilty or will he be acquitted? I will not go into a political debate because this is not the blog for that but is does tie into us Black men requiring the respect we lost. Think about it, if he walks we as Black men are once again shown our lives have no value. We are less than a dog; yeah I said it! From what remember the country went into a outrage over some dogs and Mike Vick spent two (2) years in jail. Just think about what that says about today's American society and the role the Black man plays in it. Fellas, we also need to be more responsible, some of us that is, when it comes to work. Let's stop looking for a hustle to get us by. A side hustle is just that, a side hustle that's not gonna get you 9-5 money. It's a supplement. We didn't all go to college so we all not gonna be boss on the job without hard work, determination and a lil ass kissing. Stop being afraid to work. If we can spend 8 hrs on the PS3 we can do at least 4 part-time at the gig. And when we do get said gig, let's at least be on time and be willing to do something. I'm sorry but some things really need to be said. You rather it come from me or the white guy on the job who don't respect ya ass and got bets out on how long your ass gonna last at the job! IJS... Let's work on having a career and not just settling to go to work! Then when we bringing money to the crib, we might be able to get away with acting a fool at home with the lady so she won't be so quick to say shit to us when we do "F-Up!"

All in all brothers we need to take back what is ours: Family, Communiy, Pride and RESPECT!

Stand up...

Trust me, there are many of us who can bypass this blog because you're already doing said pieces. #Salute

The Passion of IAmDuaneB

Passion (from the Latin verb patī meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

     This purpose of this Blog is Passion. Not passion in the sense of sexuality but a "Passion" for life! I'm talking about a passon that moves me, that makes me tic and stay on top of my grind. The passion of IAmDuaneB is "FAMILY." Yes I said it, my family is my passion and hopefully by the end of this Blog you will understand where this passion comes from.

     I came across this from an open interview blog www.mlleparker.com created by @KareenParker aka UniK by Mlle Parker.

The next set of interview questions will help delve into the passion that burns within. 

Kareen: 

1) Who is Duane? (Personality, hobbies, cultural background, tell us something UniK about you)?

Duane: Duane is a family that likes to have fun yet works hard to provide for him and his. A definite Philadelphia sports fan - "4 for 4", it's a Philly thing! I also have a strong passion in my African-American history as that was just one of my Majors in college, Temple University. The thing I feel as though is unique to me is that I'm a 41 y/o Black Male living with Type1 aka Juvenile Diabetes. I have seen the changes in technology and the way diabetes is being treated and talked about. It's no longer known as "Sugar" as it once was known!

Kareen:

2) What is your passion in life? Why?

Duane: I live for my daughter and my family. We have a very close bond and would go to the very end to do whatever we needed to protect and provide for each other. Growing up in my Mom-Mom house I learned the value of family morals. I stayed with her so I could go to school Mondays - Fridays and then would spend the weekend with my parents. From the beginning I learned family would do anything possible to make life better. This past May i seen my parents celebrate their 41st wedding anniversary. if thats not morivation, i dont know what is. They have shown me how to be a responsible parent as well as an productive adult. So as the tradition continues, I will do whatever it takes to create an even better life for my daughter?

Kareen:

3) How did you discover it?

Duane: As a single father, it hit me that it was just me and my daughter (with the help of my family) and it was time for me to "Man Up" and raise my daughter. As important as it is to have a mothers love which is now missing from her life, i found it to be just as important for a Fathers love and stability to be present in her life.

Kareen:

4) What do you like to talk about with your friends?

Duane: Our conversation can vary from talking about growing up, We've all known each other since kindergarten or 1st grade, to marketing and investing. Yes that's a wide variety of topics but all can be touched on any outing. The main topic is usually sports, football or basketball.

Kareen:

5) What would you regret not having tried? What is keeping you from doing it?

Duane: My biggest regret is not finishing college. I put in 3 yrs in a double major of African-American Studies and Sociology. The thing that's keeping me from going back is me. When I sit and think about it, I make excuses why I don't go back and get my degree. I'm too old at 41 to be changing my career.  My work hours won't allow me to properly study. Yes, I make excuse after excuse as to why I'm still running from college.

Kareen:

6) What makes you smile, makes you happy whenever you encounter it?

Duane: My pride and joy Dionne aka Dee is the person that brings joy to my heart. I know it's cliche but she is my Mini-Me. I'm afraid because she acts just like me in all ways, mannerisms and all. Fellas be on ya toes cause she's a tough one...

7) Odds & Ends: 

I'm currently an Tower/Operations Manager for a major airline here in my hometown of PHL Philadelphia, PA. My blog: IamDuaneB.blogspot.com, is just my thoughts of the world as seen from my point of view. I talk about issues I've read or discussed with others from Social Media outlets as Twitter and Facebook. You can follow: @Duane19015 on Twitter @Duane19015 on Instagram. Trust me, I follow back!!!

I would like to thank @KareenParker for the opportunity to write on this guest blog. Hope to blog with you again!

IamDuaneB