Black Women: Are you Enabling or Hindering Your Relationahip?

   Last week I went in on Black Men asking them to get the respect back that they lost in society and in their homes. Well guess what ladies, it's your turn! I'm coming after you this time out; giving you my thoughts and feelings on all y'all always asking your man to be a man!  Yes, I can admit there are more than enough times we men need to stand up and act like men, take care of home, treat you women like the Queens that you are. No we don't always take out the trash, we sit in front of the TV watching sports throwing a few back. We've all done it, but is is not about what men do or don't do, it's about what you let us do.

     Ladies, I'm coming to you because I'm always hearing from y'all what pisses you off about your man, your dude or your guy. About what he wants from you or wants you to do for him.  Well maybe, just maybe he is this way because you allow him to be this way.  I will always believe in the saying, "A man will do what you allow him to do!" 

   Here are a few questions I would like you to ask yourself while you're reading through this blog.  Are you doing enough to motivate your man and keep him focused on your relationship?  Are you giving him that positive reinforcement that he may need to make it through his day. I don't care what you say, it is hard out here for us black men and sometimes we need that positive push instead if the negative beat down.  I'm always hearing from women across all ages and socio-economic statuses about what they won't do for their man yet expect the world from their man.  Now how does that work??? 

     You can't tell me that you don't want to cook for me but expect me to bring home the bacon. The old wives tale still holds form, 'A way to a mans heart is through his stomach." Old wives, not too many of them around anymore is it. Women want to live the married life but dont want to do the wifely duties of taking care of home. Yes you work all week and I know you get tired, damn so do I. Today’s woman no longer wants to work outside the house and inside of the house, its either one or the other. Well when I was growing up Mom did both and didn't complain about it.  Well at least I don't think she complained about it, but I was a child and I stayed in my place so I wouldn't know if she did.  What I do know is that my parents went to work everyday, mom came home cooked dinner, took care of the kids and laundry…while pop, came home from work sat at the end of the table and paid the bills.

All that being said, yes ladies working outside the house as well as inside the house can be done, question is, are you willing to do it??? 

      Ladies if you allowing your man to sit at home and not work, play XBox or PS3 all day and drink that might just be your fault. Yeah he should have more ambition than that but this is not that blog. All we men want from you is some resemblance of respect and we will give you the world. We don't want a mother, we already have one of those. We don't want a teacher or another boss, we have that on the job. Men just want that confidant to share mutual respect and love.    

The Passion of IAmDuaneB

Passion (from the Latin verb patī meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

     This purpose of this Blog is Passion. Not passion in the sense of sexuality but a "Passion" for life! I'm talking about a passon that moves me, that makes me tic and stay on top of my grind. The passion of IAmDuaneB is "FAMILY." Yes I said it, my family is my passion and hopefully by the end of this Blog you will understand where this passion comes from.

     I came across this from an open interview blog www.mlleparker.com created by @KareenParker aka UniK by Mlle Parker.

The next set of interview questions will help delve into the passion that burns within. 

Kareen: 

1) Who is Duane? (Personality, hobbies, cultural background, tell us something UniK about you)?

Duane: Duane is a family that likes to have fun yet works hard to provide for him and his. A definite Philadelphia sports fan - "4 for 4", it's a Philly thing! I also have a strong passion in my African-American history as that was just one of my Majors in college, Temple University. The thing I feel as though is unique to me is that I'm a 41 y/o Black Male living with Type1 aka Juvenile Diabetes. I have seen the changes in technology and the way diabetes is being treated and talked about. It's no longer known as "Sugar" as it once was known!

Kareen:

2) What is your passion in life? Why?

Duane: I live for my daughter and my family. We have a very close bond and would go to the very end to do whatever we needed to protect and provide for each other. Growing up in my Mom-Mom house I learned the value of family morals. I stayed with her so I could go to school Mondays - Fridays and then would spend the weekend with my parents. From the beginning I learned family would do anything possible to make life better. This past May i seen my parents celebrate their 41st wedding anniversary. if thats not morivation, i dont know what is. They have shown me how to be a responsible parent as well as an productive adult. So as the tradition continues, I will do whatever it takes to create an even better life for my daughter?

Kareen:

3) How did you discover it?

Duane: As a single father, it hit me that it was just me and my daughter (with the help of my family) and it was time for me to "Man Up" and raise my daughter. As important as it is to have a mothers love which is now missing from her life, i found it to be just as important for a Fathers love and stability to be present in her life.

Kareen:

4) What do you like to talk about with your friends?

Duane: Our conversation can vary from talking about growing up, We've all known each other since kindergarten or 1st grade, to marketing and investing. Yes that's a wide variety of topics but all can be touched on any outing. The main topic is usually sports, football or basketball.

Kareen:

5) What would you regret not having tried? What is keeping you from doing it?

Duane: My biggest regret is not finishing college. I put in 3 yrs in a double major of African-American Studies and Sociology. The thing that's keeping me from going back is me. When I sit and think about it, I make excuses why I don't go back and get my degree. I'm too old at 41 to be changing my career.  My work hours won't allow me to properly study. Yes, I make excuse after excuse as to why I'm still running from college.

Kareen:

6) What makes you smile, makes you happy whenever you encounter it?

Duane: My pride and joy Dionne aka Dee is the person that brings joy to my heart. I know it's cliche but she is my Mini-Me. I'm afraid because she acts just like me in all ways, mannerisms and all. Fellas be on ya toes cause she's a tough one...

7) Odds & Ends: 

I'm currently an Tower/Operations Manager for a major airline here in my hometown of PHL Philadelphia, PA. My blog: IamDuaneB.blogspot.com, is just my thoughts of the world as seen from my point of view. I talk about issues I've read or discussed with others from Social Media outlets as Twitter and Facebook. You can follow: @Duane19015 on Twitter @Duane19015 on Instagram. Trust me, I follow back!!!

I would like to thank @KareenParker for the opportunity to write on this guest blog. Hope to blog with you again!

IamDuaneB 

3 Reasons why you can't find 'A Good Man'

Yes I'm back with a most talked about topic within this Male/Female Relationship Series: 'A Good Man - Myth or Reality'. I'm writing this from the Male perspective so ladies don't get mad at what you might read, because yes, shots are going to be fired! As stated I'm going to approach this from the Point of View (POV) to let you see that A Good Man still exist in this world but you may not be finding him simply because he's just avoiding you. First shot fired! Below I will list a few reasons why you may not have met that Good Man just yet; oh there's still time to find us...
1. Communicate: Ladies you will need to stop playing the guessing games. Talk to us. Any Good Man will need/want/desire/require you to communicate with him. Those 90s-00s "well he should already know" times are over. Here's a clue, We Don't Know...
We don't know what you are thinking. We don't know what you want to do. Unless you tell us, we don't know what you like. In order to make these things happen, you simply need to tell us, communicate. Trust me, there nothing wrong with telling your man, husband, boyfriend the things you like, the things you want to do, and what's on your mind. It's your mind, how, the hell am I supposed to know what's going inside of your head? I got my own mental issues to deal with.
In order to grow together, you will need to talk that man.
2. Stop comparing: The Good Man that you are seeking to be in your life is not going to come around if you keep living in an holding onto past relationship failures. Your prospective new relationship needs to be just that NEW. I will tell you this, no Good Man wants to be with a woman who's going to keep dwelling on what happened in her last relationship. Your good man is not sitting around playing XBox or Playstation all day in his wife beater. He's not, going to spending your money that you work hard to make while he lets his go to waste on other women and drinking. What you had was a bad imitation of a Man. Notice I didn't say good man, just a man. No good wants to be compared to this because this below his standard. He is not going to put himself through the constant questioning and accusations based off of what some other clown has done to you. A Good Man does not feel the need to have to prove himself to you in anyway shape or form. Why should he have to; he goes to work everyday (sometimes on his day off) to provide for his family, he protects those he cares about. He will do what needs to be done to make sure he has a happy home. A man wants to build with his woman, not fix his woman!
3. Ms. Independent: As I have spoken in this one before, being Independent is just as bad as a mans Pride. Ok, you don't need a man to pay ya bill$. You don't need a man to provide for you because you have your own job. No you didn't make that baby by yourself but your damn sure raising that baby by yourself; you don't need no man. Hell, it's a few of y'all out here that don't even need a man for sex anymore. This will damn keep that Good Man away! Shit, most times it will send him running to the arms of another. Damn, not only do we have to compete with other men, we now have to compete with you and other women... WTF! All in all, Ms. Independent has taken over the role of being the man for herself and no longer let's a man be a man.
These are just 3 reasons as to why I think some of you have not found yourself - "A Good Man!"

We're Men: You Know How We Do...

They're MEN, that's what they do. He's just being a MAN. Did you really expect him to do something different. All phrases that are commonly used by women to describe a MANs behavior or actions. Of course there are many more that I could have gone with; I just decided to stop here with these. (Ladies feel free to post your phrase below when you post your replies!). All that being said, you know your man or guy that's in your life; you know how he/ we will react in certain situations and settings. We're men! Lets analyze why we do what we do...
Don't be afraid brothers I'm not going deep into our men's handbook, I won't break the CODE!
Ladies, it's not that deep or complicated as to why we do what we do. Yes I'm taking it there: Women! Women you are the root cause of us MEN acting how we act. Think about...
Scenario 1:
Summer Day nice out and y'all women got them sexy ass Sundress's on.
Here you come walking down the street looking good, better yet smelling all good. Are we not supposed to look? I mean really; you probably spent 2 hours in the house getting yourself all prepped to make your appearance. Hair, nails, perfume/body spray, and yes picking out the perfect outfit for the day. You women know what your mission is before you step out the door: Turn Heads! So if that's the mission all us men are going to do is oblige your mission and LOOK at that ass as you walk by. I mean this why you spent all that in the mirror trying to figure out, "does this look right???" So remember when you walk down the street, we're gonna look, - that's what we do! It's Spring again... Sundress's on deck!
Scenario 2:
Him - sitting down watching the game throwing a few back...
Her - Talking/asking questions (Ladies insert question or topic here _____?)
Real talk, we're not listening. We will agree, say yes, nod, give you a very general "Ok babe, yeah you're right. We won't even know what we agreed to or probably didn't even know what was said until next week sometime when you asking us why we didn't what we said we was gonna do. What we do know is, the game is on; we don't want to be bothered and we will do whatever it takes for y'all to leave us the hell alone! Really, you had to ask me that shit right here, right now??? That could have waited another half hour. So on the following Tuesday when you're asking us why we're not doing what we said we would do on Saturday when the game was on: we were just trying to see the game and have a drink - that's what we do! It's March MarchMadness ain't it? Don't ask me to do shit for the next 2 weeks... IJS Go TU Go TU!

These were just 2 examples of why we do what we do. I told the brothers I wasn't gonna to deep in the Men's Handbook and I didn't, yet I got my point across. Matter of fact , I'm stopping here because there is another game on as I compose this blog. I got to go get my drink and post up - You Know How We Do! Rum/Coke on deck...

Dating 2013: The Rules of the Game Have Changed!

Remember meeting that special person. Maybe you were out chilling with your boys and she her girls or you could have met on campus in the cafe or on the Quad, them frat/soror parties always brought them out!!! #College.
Then there was the getting to know them phase; going to the movies, out to dinner or maybe a few walks in the park. We did all this and still weren't a OFFICIAL couple until you met the family, at the BBQ or maybe on the front porch. Man how those were the days!
That was dating back in the day...

Let's fast forward to Dating 2013 style; my my my, how the dating scene has changed.
1. You now have the www.WorldWideWeb.com where you don't have to do anything. You no longer have to go out and meet a possible mate to Date. You can create the person you want to meet by setting certain criteria: Age, location, race, and socio-economic status. The computer age has taken the human factor out of dating in 2013. There all kind of dating sites out there where all we have to do is submit a profile and we have 10-20 possible mates on one page (all depending on your settings.) I can remember a time when the only profile I had what I was wearing when I went out! Yes, the game has changed.
Let's explore this a little further...
2. By now, we all have a smartphone, iPhone or Droid, iPad or tablet of some type. Which means we all have the Internet in the palm of our hand. Just sit and watch, how many people are:texting, on Facebook and Twitter. This now the way we communicate with one another. I don't know about y'all, but if I lose my phone I won't be able to call you and tell you because I don't know anybody's number anymore. Back in the day I knew everyone's number, hell I barely remember mine when they ask for it on anything. I say all this to say, as good as technology has become and still growing, it has been the downfall to social skills. We no longer have to call to say hello like most the females like, all I have to do is hit the send button "Hey sup" or "busy". I can reach you faster by sending a text than I can if I call. So this is where the dating scene has gone. I can sit at my computer, look for what's happening in the city tonight, then send you a text or email saying meet me @_____. I dare you to say I'm telling a lie! The computer age has taken full effect on our dating scene and from the looks of it things won't be changing. I will Skype you and we can finish this later!!!
Let's not just blame the www.com:
Ladies, yes #Ladies I'm about to call y'all out. Women have changed the dating scene too! Hmmm, where to start on this one part here...
3. Ladies you changed the game when y'all decided y'all no longer needed men; Independent Woman is what I think you've termed it. Being independent and being to hold your own is one thing. Then when you determine you no longer need men to go out: to the movies, to the clubs, and even dinner; that struck a blow to the Pride. - That's a different Blog fellas!
4. Oh yes I'm not done with y'all #women just yet... Ladies I hear you talk about how a man no longer knows how to court you. Well of course he doesn't know how when you took the ball from our court. Stay with me; we could no longer pick you up and go "Out" as we call it. Men no longer control the date. Y'all took it over. It went from going out getting to know each other to where can we take you and who you gonna impress when we get there. Think about, when you go out on these so-called dates, how much time do you sit and talk to each other? Do you want another drink or that's my jam right here don't count! If you want to be courted give the ball back and let that man find out what your interests are. On his own, if he's interested he will play your game!
The ball will still end up in your court...
Let's see if the Rules of the Game will change again!
#Relationships2013 The Series
IamDuaneB

Ladies you tell me!

I'm going to be short and sweet with this...
Ladies/Women: What type of #Man do you want in your life? That Guy you want to settle and marry? If marriage is not your thing, then just date.
Once we get enough replies or comment we will Dive In further!
Be honest with me and most important - be honest with yourself...
Time is yours,

Duane's World: A few things you may or may not know about ME!

1. How I would describe IamDuaneB in 3 words:
Opinionated - Isn't this the reason I have this #Blog! I have something to say about any and everything. Once upon while growing up I would keep all my thoughts and comments to myself. Now a days, if I have a thought or something to say, you best believe somebody is going to hear about it. Good or bad I have to say what's on my mind!
Fun - I like to have and enjoy whatever it is I do. Be it: work or play I find if I enjoy what I'm doing I am more focused and concentrated on the task at hand and I tend to get better results in the end. I joke and kid around to lighten the load and to make people know we don't have to take things and life so serious. If I can't enjoy what I do, am doing, why do it... Turn the 😠frown 😃upside down!
Learner - Yes this one will take a little explaining. Yes I went to college, didn't graduate, yet still feel Im learning and growing as a person, as a man at 41y/o. I take time to listen and understand what people say. I truly believe in the saying, "You learn something new everyday."
Just because I don't hold certain letters behind my name, B.A. M.B.A. Ph.D, doesn't mean I'm not learned. By the way classes start in April (I'm going after those letters). You live and you learn and that's what I'm doing!

2. I'm a #Sports fan thru and thru. I will start of by saying I'm a #Philly 4 for 4. Those who don't know, I like the: @Eagles, @Sixers, @Phillies and @Flyers! Get it, 4 for 4! It doesn't just stop there. I'm a #Big5 fan as well, it's a #Philadelphia #Hoops #Basketball thing like the cheesesteak and water ice!
Growing up into @IamDuaneB, there were sports rules to #Follow set by Pops:
We don't root for the following teams: #NotreDame Football, #BostonCeltics or the hated rival #DallasCowboys - you know the chant, Dallas sucks Dallas sucks!
My love for sports has grown from the early years in life. A continuing tradition we have is #PennRelays. We take this yearly Mecca to the @UPenn every year in April since I was about 10. Rain or shine we are there watching @USATrack_Field #USAvstheWorld. We have our tickets for Fri & Sat already. The tradition continues!!!

3. My friends are #Friends in every sense of the word! Let me start off by saying my friends are truly friends that I can say are from the cradle to the grave! I have literally known most of them since the Babysitter... Yeah we're that old. I'm 41 and they consider me the baby of the bunch! The I didn't meet at the baby sitter I met either in kindergarten or 1st grade. Yes I've developed other friendships over the years 20+ (from college -S/O to my ADP '89, it's @WestChesterUniv thing). Trust me there is a circle if friends and a circle of acquaintances. There is a difference!

4. Women - I will let this be the last cause this will take a lot out of me and I don't think I will have anything left to say... Sike, just having fun ⏫⏫⏫(see above comment section 1)⏫⏫⏫.
I love y'all to death, why shouldn't I, you make the world go around!
Now the choices I made in life with some of the women I chose, (nobody else's choice, although moms gave her strong opinion) has been mine. There have been good ones and horrible women to cross into my circle. Yet from each and every one I have Learned something and was able to form a list of qualities that I now require from that Woman I choose to be with for life!
No, I'm not gonna tell you what they are, you just need to show me that you possess those qualities... Step up to the plate and join my #Relationships2013 Series to further investigate what makes me tick in the world of Men/Women relationships!

5. Yes ladies yes; I am a "Mommas Boy." Any questions talk to Mom!

Welcome to Duane's World! #Follow me @Duane19015 on Twitter

#Relationships2013 The Series Begins

Just sitting back, looking and listening to: friends, family, acquaintances & even those I don't know, I've come to the conclusion that there are many definitions when it comes to being in a "relationship!"
Many of my younger friends, 30 under crew, a relationship exists for self gratification. What can "I" get out of it. I've heard it said...we can do this but I don't want you catching feelings. One of my favorites is... I'm not looking for anything serious right now! This one is good too...he/she are not my boyfriend/girlfriend they're just my homie! These terms/ sayings are used in reference to relationships; but why? Is it because you want to experience being in a relationship without having to commit to someone? You know, the factor of having company around; someone to go out with and somewhere to go when you're bored. Hell for them just to be a friend they're always around, just chilling. Something goes wrong, they are the first person you're calling up to tell them what happened. Sounds like a relationship to me! As they say, y'all have truly changed the game in this relationship thing!
Then we have my people, 35 to 45. Hell we're older, smarter, and more experienced than the 'youngins'. We've been there and done that already! I'm not too sure on where to stand on this one. We have a totally different set of issues going on over here. Most times we have kids involved, ex's or just several open ended situations. Yes, I'm still talking relationships, stay with me.
Excluding the married folks (y'all get a pass right now), people in my crew 35-45, most have so many reasons or excuses for their relationships. You know what I'm talking about, we're not married because she/he is not ready to commit or they just don't have their shit together. Yet they have a house, a child and have been together for 25 years now. Isn't that the prime example of a RELATIONSHIP, I thought it was.
These are just a few of the examples that has lead to my questioning of what a relationship is in today's society.
All in all, I have faith that I really do understand what the word relationship means when it comes to: seeing people, dating and marriage. I give that credit to my parents who earlier this year celebrated 41 years! They have showed me the good and the not so good of relationships.
This will be part of an on going series I want to start: #Relationships2013