Black Women: Are you Enabling or Hindering Your Relationahip?

   Last week I went in on Black Men asking them to get the respect back that they lost in society and in their homes. Well guess what ladies, it's your turn! I'm coming after you this time out; giving you my thoughts and feelings on all y'all always asking your man to be a man!  Yes, I can admit there are more than enough times we men need to stand up and act like men, take care of home, treat you women like the Queens that you are. No we don't always take out the trash, we sit in front of the TV watching sports throwing a few back. We've all done it, but is is not about what men do or don't do, it's about what you let us do.

     Ladies, I'm coming to you because I'm always hearing from y'all what pisses you off about your man, your dude or your guy. About what he wants from you or wants you to do for him.  Well maybe, just maybe he is this way because you allow him to be this way.  I will always believe in the saying, "A man will do what you allow him to do!" 

   Here are a few questions I would like you to ask yourself while you're reading through this blog.  Are you doing enough to motivate your man and keep him focused on your relationship?  Are you giving him that positive reinforcement that he may need to make it through his day. I don't care what you say, it is hard out here for us black men and sometimes we need that positive push instead if the negative beat down.  I'm always hearing from women across all ages and socio-economic statuses about what they won't do for their man yet expect the world from their man.  Now how does that work??? 

     You can't tell me that you don't want to cook for me but expect me to bring home the bacon. The old wives tale still holds form, 'A way to a mans heart is through his stomach." Old wives, not too many of them around anymore is it. Women want to live the married life but dont want to do the wifely duties of taking care of home. Yes you work all week and I know you get tired, damn so do I. Today’s woman no longer wants to work outside the house and inside of the house, its either one or the other. Well when I was growing up Mom did both and didn't complain about it.  Well at least I don't think she complained about it, but I was a child and I stayed in my place so I wouldn't know if she did.  What I do know is that my parents went to work everyday, mom came home cooked dinner, took care of the kids and laundry…while pop, came home from work sat at the end of the table and paid the bills.

All that being said, yes ladies working outside the house as well as inside the house can be done, question is, are you willing to do it??? 

      Ladies if you allowing your man to sit at home and not work, play XBox or PS3 all day and drink that might just be your fault. Yeah he should have more ambition than that but this is not that blog. All we men want from you is some resemblance of respect and we will give you the world. We don't want a mother, we already have one of those. We don't want a teacher or another boss, we have that on the job. Men just want that confidant to share mutual respect and love.    

Calling all Black Men: Stand-Up

,     President Obama told the graduating class at Morehouse College, there is "no time for excuses" for this generation of African-American men and that it was time for their generation to step up professionally and in their personal lives.

     Brothers the President could have been talking to all of us when making this speech. Simply put, it is time for all us Black Men to step up and take the reigns back and get control of our lives. some of us have failed as fathers, family men, providers, workers and just as men in general. Black men, many of us have lost the respect of our families, our co-workers and colleagues and society in general. The only way we can regain control over who we are is by standing up and taking responsibility in the things we do without making excuses why we are doing or for what we are not doing.

     Black men we can easily gain the respect of our families just by being in there. Sounds simple enough right! Well actually it is. Let's be there for our kids. I hate when I hear the term a lost generation when it is referred to our kids. They are not lost, the kids are left to fend for themselves without the proper guidance. A fathers guidance. A lot of times it's easy to blame the kids by saying they are just bad or a bad seed. Well damn where did they get this seed from? Damn sure wasn't the stork that we used to see on the cartoons. Dads, fathers, providers that what we become when we plant that seed. S be there for these kids and do just that: provide and guide. Your presence will speak volumes.  Men, men, men, what are some of y'all doing to these women. If we can't keep the Black Woman's love and respect we might as well no longer exist. A black woman will give us an unconditional love like no other and we are slowly losing that if it's not already lost.  I found myself in a very disturbing #twitter discussion/conversation today, 7/12/13, over what I thought was one female misguided thought: 'White men treat  Black women better than Black men do.' (One reason for today's IamDuaneB.blogspot.com #blog, so s/o to Zina for setting me on fire and the motivation piece for this spot.) I will say as much as I was bothered to hear this sentiment from her and all the other sisters who seemed to agree that black men have dropped  the ball, fumbled, on relationships. It bothered me more that only a select few brothers chimed in to come help me defend our honor. I was holding them off for a while but by the end of the discussion I could understand why they felt and feel the way they do. Damn y'all are we really that bad as black men when it comes time to holding down a relationship?

SMDH is all I can do. What does this mean for our community when we as Black men are running from our responsibilities to provide for our families as the family is the backbone to the African-American community. 

    

     The word respect is lost for the Black man outside of our community as well. In the workplace as well as in society the Black man has lost value. The country is now on edge over the Trayvon Martin case. Will he be found guilty or will he be acquitted? I will not go into a political debate because this is not the blog for that but is does tie into us Black men requiring the respect we lost. Think about it, if he walks we as Black men are once again shown our lives have no value. We are less than a dog; yeah I said it! From what remember the country went into a outrage over some dogs and Mike Vick spent two (2) years in jail. Just think about what that says about today's American society and the role the Black man plays in it. Fellas, we also need to be more responsible, some of us that is, when it comes to work. Let's stop looking for a hustle to get us by. A side hustle is just that, a side hustle that's not gonna get you 9-5 money. It's a supplement. We didn't all go to college so we all not gonna be boss on the job without hard work, determination and a lil ass kissing. Stop being afraid to work. If we can spend 8 hrs on the PS3 we can do at least 4 part-time at the gig. And when we do get said gig, let's at least be on time and be willing to do something. I'm sorry but some things really need to be said. You rather it come from me or the white guy on the job who don't respect ya ass and got bets out on how long your ass gonna last at the job! IJS... Let's work on having a career and not just settling to go to work! Then when we bringing money to the crib, we might be able to get away with acting a fool at home with the lady so she won't be so quick to say shit to us when we do "F-Up!"

All in all brothers we need to take back what is ours: Family, Communiy, Pride and RESPECT!

Stand up...

Trust me, there are many of us who can bypass this blog because you're already doing said pieces. #Salute

The Passion of IAmDuaneB

Passion (from the Latin verb patī meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

     This purpose of this Blog is Passion. Not passion in the sense of sexuality but a "Passion" for life! I'm talking about a passon that moves me, that makes me tic and stay on top of my grind. The passion of IAmDuaneB is "FAMILY." Yes I said it, my family is my passion and hopefully by the end of this Blog you will understand where this passion comes from.

     I came across this from an open interview blog www.mlleparker.com created by @KareenParker aka UniK by Mlle Parker.

The next set of interview questions will help delve into the passion that burns within. 

Kareen: 

1) Who is Duane? (Personality, hobbies, cultural background, tell us something UniK about you)?

Duane: Duane is a family that likes to have fun yet works hard to provide for him and his. A definite Philadelphia sports fan - "4 for 4", it's a Philly thing! I also have a strong passion in my African-American history as that was just one of my Majors in college, Temple University. The thing I feel as though is unique to me is that I'm a 41 y/o Black Male living with Type1 aka Juvenile Diabetes. I have seen the changes in technology and the way diabetes is being treated and talked about. It's no longer known as "Sugar" as it once was known!

Kareen:

2) What is your passion in life? Why?

Duane: I live for my daughter and my family. We have a very close bond and would go to the very end to do whatever we needed to protect and provide for each other. Growing up in my Mom-Mom house I learned the value of family morals. I stayed with her so I could go to school Mondays - Fridays and then would spend the weekend with my parents. From the beginning I learned family would do anything possible to make life better. This past May i seen my parents celebrate their 41st wedding anniversary. if thats not morivation, i dont know what is. They have shown me how to be a responsible parent as well as an productive adult. So as the tradition continues, I will do whatever it takes to create an even better life for my daughter?

Kareen:

3) How did you discover it?

Duane: As a single father, it hit me that it was just me and my daughter (with the help of my family) and it was time for me to "Man Up" and raise my daughter. As important as it is to have a mothers love which is now missing from her life, i found it to be just as important for a Fathers love and stability to be present in her life.

Kareen:

4) What do you like to talk about with your friends?

Duane: Our conversation can vary from talking about growing up, We've all known each other since kindergarten or 1st grade, to marketing and investing. Yes that's a wide variety of topics but all can be touched on any outing. The main topic is usually sports, football or basketball.

Kareen:

5) What would you regret not having tried? What is keeping you from doing it?

Duane: My biggest regret is not finishing college. I put in 3 yrs in a double major of African-American Studies and Sociology. The thing that's keeping me from going back is me. When I sit and think about it, I make excuses why I don't go back and get my degree. I'm too old at 41 to be changing my career.  My work hours won't allow me to properly study. Yes, I make excuse after excuse as to why I'm still running from college.

Kareen:

6) What makes you smile, makes you happy whenever you encounter it?

Duane: My pride and joy Dionne aka Dee is the person that brings joy to my heart. I know it's cliche but she is my Mini-Me. I'm afraid because she acts just like me in all ways, mannerisms and all. Fellas be on ya toes cause she's a tough one...

7) Odds & Ends: 

I'm currently an Tower/Operations Manager for a major airline here in my hometown of PHL Philadelphia, PA. My blog: IamDuaneB.blogspot.com, is just my thoughts of the world as seen from my point of view. I talk about issues I've read or discussed with others from Social Media outlets as Twitter and Facebook. You can follow: @Duane19015 on Twitter @Duane19015 on Instagram. Trust me, I follow back!!!

I would like to thank @KareenParker for the opportunity to write on this guest blog. Hope to blog with you again!

IamDuaneB 

3 Reasons why you can't find 'A Good Man'

Yes I'm back with a most talked about topic within this Male/Female Relationship Series: 'A Good Man - Myth or Reality'. I'm writing this from the Male perspective so ladies don't get mad at what you might read, because yes, shots are going to be fired! As stated I'm going to approach this from the Point of View (POV) to let you see that A Good Man still exist in this world but you may not be finding him simply because he's just avoiding you. First shot fired! Below I will list a few reasons why you may not have met that Good Man just yet; oh there's still time to find us...
1. Communicate: Ladies you will need to stop playing the guessing games. Talk to us. Any Good Man will need/want/desire/require you to communicate with him. Those 90s-00s "well he should already know" times are over. Here's a clue, We Don't Know...
We don't know what you are thinking. We don't know what you want to do. Unless you tell us, we don't know what you like. In order to make these things happen, you simply need to tell us, communicate. Trust me, there nothing wrong with telling your man, husband, boyfriend the things you like, the things you want to do, and what's on your mind. It's your mind, how, the hell am I supposed to know what's going inside of your head? I got my own mental issues to deal with.
In order to grow together, you will need to talk that man.
2. Stop comparing: The Good Man that you are seeking to be in your life is not going to come around if you keep living in an holding onto past relationship failures. Your prospective new relationship needs to be just that NEW. I will tell you this, no Good Man wants to be with a woman who's going to keep dwelling on what happened in her last relationship. Your good man is not sitting around playing XBox or Playstation all day in his wife beater. He's not, going to spending your money that you work hard to make while he lets his go to waste on other women and drinking. What you had was a bad imitation of a Man. Notice I didn't say good man, just a man. No good wants to be compared to this because this below his standard. He is not going to put himself through the constant questioning and accusations based off of what some other clown has done to you. A Good Man does not feel the need to have to prove himself to you in anyway shape or form. Why should he have to; he goes to work everyday (sometimes on his day off) to provide for his family, he protects those he cares about. He will do what needs to be done to make sure he has a happy home. A man wants to build with his woman, not fix his woman!
3. Ms. Independent: As I have spoken in this one before, being Independent is just as bad as a mans Pride. Ok, you don't need a man to pay ya bill$. You don't need a man to provide for you because you have your own job. No you didn't make that baby by yourself but your damn sure raising that baby by yourself; you don't need no man. Hell, it's a few of y'all out here that don't even need a man for sex anymore. This will damn keep that Good Man away! Shit, most times it will send him running to the arms of another. Damn, not only do we have to compete with other men, we now have to compete with you and other women... WTF! All in all, Ms. Independent has taken over the role of being the man for herself and no longer let's a man be a man.
These are just 3 reasons as to why I think some of you have not found yourself - "A Good Man!"

The Philadelphia Natural Hair Show - Saturday May 4, 2013

"Philly Natural Hair Show"

Contacts: Celena McAfee (267) 685‐6173 celena@phillynaturalhairshow.com
Monique P. Eversley (215) 948‐2603 monique@phillynaturalhairshow.com

The Natural Hair Movement Continues in Philadelphia!
First Annual Exhibition Showcasing Natural Hair Comes to the Sheraton Philadelphia Downtown Hotel, May 4, 2013

PHILADELPHIA, PA ‐ The Philadelphia Natural Hair Show will debut on Saturday, May 4, 2013 from 10 AM to 7 PM. This event will showcase leading hair care experts, celebrity hairstylists, salons, top natural hair care companies, and local businesses to hundreds of women of color women from the tri‐state area. It will be held in the heart of center city at the Sheraton Philadelphia Downtown Hotel, 201 North 17th Street, Philadelphia, PA. Tickets are $20 and can be purchase at phillynaturalhairshow.eventbrite.com. Children 12 years old and under attend free.
Today, more women of color are choosing to wear their hair in its natural state. The Philadelphia Natural Hair Show, founded by Monique P. Eversley and Celena McAfee, was created to offer women with curly‐textured tresses alternative methods to grow and retain healthy hair. Attendees can participate in a series of workshops that include: maintenance for transitioning hair to its natural state; understanding hair types and products that work best for them; and hands‐on styling techniques for home usage. In addition, there will be focus group discussions that consist of a variety of hair trending topics including the corporate politics of ethnic hair. Professional stylists will also demonstrate creative options to give women various hairstyles that will take them from casual to corporate environments. For a full listing of workshops, visit phillynaturalhairshow.com.
“Our goal is to empower women to adapt natural hairstyles to their personal and professional lifestyles,” said Co‐founder Monique P. Eversley.
“It is a great opportunity to embrace the beauty of natural hair and to learn about the various health benefits, products and services to aid women in this process,” commented Co‐founder Celena McAfee.
Attendees will meet Felicia Leatherwood, celebrity hairstylist, Lori L. Tharps, author of Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America, along with other natural hair experts. Attendees will also receive goodie bags with products from Miss Jessie’s, Hair Rules, Wonder Curl, and others while supplies last. This event will culminate with the Textures Not Textiles Natural Hair Fashion Show that will highlight natural hair salons and stylists. Men are also encouraged to attend and enjoy the show. As a treat for our registered attendees, free haircuts courtesy of Mike Monroe from ESPM Hair Zone will be offered to young males between 5 to 12 years old.
Philadelphia Natural Hair Show has a vision for all women to love the hair they were given.
For more information or to schedule an interview with Monique P. Eversley and Celena McAfee,
please call (215) 948 2603, (267) 685‐6173 or email us at info@phillynaturalhairshow.com.

B.S. - Beauty vs Substance This Mans Point of View

It takes more than a pretty face to keep my attention. My how the times have changed. Talk to me 20 yrs. ago, I'd have told you I'd take a pretty face 10/10 times. Don't get me wrong I love a smart woman, there's nothing sexier; but you know how we do,(previous BLOG), I'm a man, so when I found both it was a BIG win for me!
Bringing back to current times: I require Substance, I prefer Both, I will accept Beauty. Please Please, don't get me wrong, looks do play a part!
Substance - Yes all men want "eye candy" to look at and to show off to his boys. As they say once the lights go out I need you to keep my attention behind closed doors, and I'm not talking set either. I'm talking talk. Can you keep a conversation and keep my mind occupied. I can't speak for a brothers out here but I get bored easily. I need to be mentally stimulated as well as sexually stimulated. I need you to be able to talk about any and everything with me. Yes I watch the news, local and world. I'm not talking you being a rocket scientist because I'm not that smart. All I'm asking is, be open, be able to communicate with me and we will make this thing work!
Beauty - We all want to live the Jay-Z or Tom Brady life; it's every brothers dream! Halle Berry, The Flotus Mrs Obama & B! What man in their right mind wouldn't want these beautiful ladies by their side. The thing that makes these women beautiful outside of the looks is the brains and how they master their domain! These women own everything they do. Their substance is what makes these women beautiful. Wow how I keep coming back to that word.
I guess a man can change his ways. So ladies take notes, as we men change, you need to change with us and know; it's not all about the pretty looks. As mom-mom always told me: "God don't like ugly and he's not crazy about beauty!" Think about it, you'll figure it out like I eventually did.








Disclaimer: These are just one mans opinions, mine. Names & pictures used are not an endorsement of this Blog!

We're Men: You Know How We Do...

They're MEN, that's what they do. He's just being a MAN. Did you really expect him to do something different. All phrases that are commonly used by women to describe a MANs behavior or actions. Of course there are many more that I could have gone with; I just decided to stop here with these. (Ladies feel free to post your phrase below when you post your replies!). All that being said, you know your man or guy that's in your life; you know how he/ we will react in certain situations and settings. We're men! Lets analyze why we do what we do...
Don't be afraid brothers I'm not going deep into our men's handbook, I won't break the CODE!
Ladies, it's not that deep or complicated as to why we do what we do. Yes I'm taking it there: Women! Women you are the root cause of us MEN acting how we act. Think about...
Scenario 1:
Summer Day nice out and y'all women got them sexy ass Sundress's on.
Here you come walking down the street looking good, better yet smelling all good. Are we not supposed to look? I mean really; you probably spent 2 hours in the house getting yourself all prepped to make your appearance. Hair, nails, perfume/body spray, and yes picking out the perfect outfit for the day. You women know what your mission is before you step out the door: Turn Heads! So if that's the mission all us men are going to do is oblige your mission and LOOK at that ass as you walk by. I mean this why you spent all that in the mirror trying to figure out, "does this look right???" So remember when you walk down the street, we're gonna look, - that's what we do! It's Spring again... Sundress's on deck!
Scenario 2:
Him - sitting down watching the game throwing a few back...
Her - Talking/asking questions (Ladies insert question or topic here _____?)
Real talk, we're not listening. We will agree, say yes, nod, give you a very general "Ok babe, yeah you're right. We won't even know what we agreed to or probably didn't even know what was said until next week sometime when you asking us why we didn't what we said we was gonna do. What we do know is, the game is on; we don't want to be bothered and we will do whatever it takes for y'all to leave us the hell alone! Really, you had to ask me that shit right here, right now??? That could have waited another half hour. So on the following Tuesday when you're asking us why we're not doing what we said we would do on Saturday when the game was on: we were just trying to see the game and have a drink - that's what we do! It's March MarchMadness ain't it? Don't ask me to do shit for the next 2 weeks... IJS Go TU Go TU!

These were just 2 examples of why we do what we do. I told the brothers I wasn't gonna to deep in the Men's Handbook and I didn't, yet I got my point across. Matter of fact , I'm stopping here because there is another game on as I compose this blog. I got to go get my drink and post up - You Know How We Do! Rum/Coke on deck...